Brilliant Thought and Eyebrow Plucking

http://www.flickr.com/photos/reighleblanc/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

I have to say it. My weekend was glorious. Not only was the weather absolutely perfect, but I experienced something rare. The heavens opened, the birds sang, and I got A Great Idea.

At least I think it was a great idea: a book project that would be so fun to write. And guess what else. No sooner had I thought of it but my husband and my youngest child took off on a road trip, allowing me the luxury of retreating into my head for the rest of the weekend, to come out only when my teenage cave-boy beat his club on my door, foraging for food. The more I thought of my idea, the more excited I became. This is brilliant, I thought. Why hasn't anyone else thought of this?

And then Brian Doyle's essay smacked me on the head and I had to laugh at myself. Have you read it, Notes From a Writer's Mind? My friend Jimmy sent it to me ages ago, but my little brain filed it away for just the right moment, which I guess was Saturday. You can read the entire essay here, but I'll share a few favorite paragraphs. You don't have to be a writer to appreciate the nuttiness.

"(At the beginning of any piece of writing) This is the greatest idea

ever! I am a genius! No one ever had this idea before! What a great

first line! Being a writer is better than a stick in the eye! This is so

exciting! Those words were never in that order in the whole history of

the English language! That's incredible! That's astounding! Now what?"

"(In the middle of any piece of writing) O my gawd this is drivel.

This is the worst muddle ever inflicted on an unsuspecting populace. I

should crumple this and go into insurance. I should cease to write

forevermore. I should be a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the

floors of silent seas. I should eat. Maybe I should take another shower.

Who will ever pay for this muck? This is worse than anything Jerzy Kosinski

ever wrote, and what could be worse than that? My gallbladder hurts.

Just one more cookie. Is that the mailman? How do you spell labyrinthine?

Should I do the laundry?"

(Becky, here. If Brian asked me, which he didn't, I would add: My eyebrows need plucking. How long has it been since I cleaned out the fridge? I wonder if they'd hire me at the dry cleaners. My feet are cold.)
Now back to Brian...

"(At a reading) How many people are here? Will they buy my book? Does

the microphone work? Do I need the microphone if only four people show

up? Is everyone here related to me? What if everyone leaves during the

reading? What if no one wants me to sign a book? What if all these

people are here to return my book? What if they throw books at me? Is

the microphone big enough to hide behind? Is my fly zipped?"

(Me again. And I would add: oh my Lord, my lips are sticking to my teeth. What if I faint right here and knock this podium over? What if I fall in an unladylike position or my tongue hangs out and I drool? Is that...? It is! My roommate from my senior year. Oh MY LORD IN HEAVEN, what is that girl's name?)

You know, the next time I go to a book signing, I think I'll be extra friendly and supportive. And I might just wear a name tag. But until then, I better get busy with my new idea. I might be a genius now, but I have no doubt that within a day or two my eyebrows will be calling.

Have a great Monday, y'all!
Love, Becky

PS. This video has nothing to do with the insecurities of the writer's mind, but enjoy it anyway.
You just never know what people or dogs are really thinking.