Monday, January 4, 2010
The Joy of a Clean Slate. And the EVIL REFRIGERATOR that ruins my life.
I love a new year. Don't you?
Even though I know that nothing but the calendar has really changed, I can't resist a clean slate. A chance to start over, to take a good long gaze at my bellybutton. To examine all the deep dark things about myself that bug me and pledge again to try to make myself a better person. And then to throw my hands in the air and hide in my closet with the last piece of Christmas fudge.
Ha ha. Just kidding. (There's no more fudge left anyway.)
You know what else a new year is good for in Greer, South Carolina?
To move EVIL REFRIGERATOR.
Maybe I never told you about EVIL REFRIGERATOR.
Here he is.
If he doesn't look so evil to you, it's because you haven't met him.
EVIL REFRIGERATOR wasn't here when we bought the house or we might never have signed the papers.
I'm not kidding.
Back in 2003, when we were young and naive and fresh from our tiny French closet of a kitchen, I saw the circle of cabinets and the miles of Formica topped counters and promptly tackled my realtor and smothered him with kisses. And why wouldn't I? It had a double sink and storage galore! And--be still my heart--just look at the huge hole for the fridge! No longer would the foodstuffs of my life be forced to suffer a dorm sized refrigerator! Hallelujah and Amen!
So we bought the house, bought the fridge, and all my dreams went to Hades.
Not really, but have you taken time to notice where it fits?
This is where it fits. Right in front of the end of the bar. There is precisely 22 inches of passage room. 9 1/4 inches if one of the doors of EVIL REFRIGERATOR is open.
If your family is a set of beanpoles, who set their stomachs to get hungry on a rotating basis, then you'd be fine with this arrangement.
That's not us. We have hungry boys who run 8 miles a day and tear into the kitchen like bears foraging for mounds of raw meat, like WWE wrestlers ready to SmackDown, like...like...you get the idea.
And it does happen. ALL THE TIME. This tiny passageway is like a magnet, drawing everyone who lives here to itself. Sometimes we find ourselves-all five of us- standing there facing each other, trying to get through.
So this explains the radical thing my husband decided to do.
He's moving EVIL REFRIGERATOR. Himself.
No professionals involved. Even though this involves installing new wiring and plumbing.
(Did you hear that noise? It's me squeaking, "Somebody help me please."
Here's what he's done so far.
It only involved five trips to Home Depot.
Just kidding, honey. Good work!
See, he took off both cabinets where EVIL REFRIGERATOR will find it's new home. And not be so evil anymore.
Oh wait, that picture doesn't show the four holes he cut in the wall. For new wiring and plumbing. Only one was an accident.
Here's one of them.
That's the new pipe and plumbing my clever husband put in.
And this is my office where I'll be sitting,
trying to work on my next book and crossing my fingers that the new pipe was installed correctly and won't flood the house during his next business trip.
Nice cabinets, huh? I'm hoping that's very temporary.
So what projects are you starting this year?
Maybe if EVIL REFRIGERATOR turns to the good side I'll teach my doggy to do this.
Or maybe not.
Have a great Monday, y'all!