What?
That doesn't scare you?
It threw me into a full blown panic attack. Well, almost. At least I felt like hyperventilating. But I held myself together for the children's sake. I'm so brave.
Allow me to explain.
My minivan was beginning to look like dogs lived in it (really it was just one dog and five human beings,) so my dear husband wanted to take it on Saturday to a fancy car wash where they clean it inside and out. I am too cheap to go to those places. "Whatever happened to washing your car in the driveway?" I asked Todd, but then he said, "Fine, if you're really dying to do it." Then he looked at me.
I meant him, not ME!
So I sighed and sent them on.
While Todd and Sammy were at the car wash, my sweet nutty husband told Sam he could pick out any air freshener he wanted to hang from our rear view mirror. Any one at all.
First of all, this may sound snobby, but I don't really find tree shaped air fresheners to be very stylish or attractive. I'm already in a minivan. Must I dangle a fake tree from my rear view mirror?
I've tried telling Todd that tree shaped air fresheners distract me when I'm driving and might even cause an accident, but he never buys that excuse. I decided that I'd just have to live with the tree in the name of marital bliss. Besides, I do often haul around very sweaty boys with stinky feet. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
At that point I hadn't yet sat in my car.
The next morning we got in to go to church, and my passenger seat was enveloped by an invisible cloud of suntan lotion and salt air.
"What is this?" I shouted.
"Isn't it great?" said Sam.
"Mmm," Sarah said, breathing it in. "The beach..."
"Ahhh," said Ben. "It smells just like vacation. Did you know we only have thirteen days of school left?"
That's when my throat started to close up.
Thirteen days?
But it's spring! It can't be summer already! I've got stuff to do! I'm not ready! What happened to spring?
I do love my children like crazy, but I'm not ready for vacation.
That dern dangly tree.
If Sam hadn't picked it out himself, I'd sneak out there and fling it into the trashcan.
Then I'd replace it with this...
Honeysuckle!
It's my favorite spring scent. (Okay, and summer too.) I get big whiffs on my daily walks by the river. It's heavenly.
I would cut a big bunch of it and hang it off my rear view mirror, but there's the bee problem. I'm thinking bees could be even more distracting than swinging fake trees.
I looked all over the internet for honeysuckle swinging trees but I couldn't find any. Shoot.
But at least Sam didn't pick one of these.
Yuck. I hate to leave you with bacon and sushi breath.
Think HONEYSUCKLE.
Go HERE, and watch the kids explain how to "eat" honeysuckle. It will bring back memories. Or if you have no honeysuckle memories (are there people like that? Poor people!) it will make you want to create some.
Have a wonder-ful Wednesday, everybody!
Love, Becky
12 comments:
Yes, what memories. My 4th grade son and his class discovered the HUGE honeysuckle bush next to the playground and spend the entire recess time plucking and eating the honeysuckle blooms. Like you, I love the smell of honeysuckle. It means that summer is here...whether we are ready or not.
Elise
I have Honeysuckle hand soap from Bath and Body...would that help?
I just stopped by your blog from Good Girl Lit. I read your post about hair-do's, and when I hit the pictures of your dog (with your hilarious comments), I was laughing out loud! So funny. Poor dog.
Anyway, thanks for the smiles today!
I am one of those poor people with no honeysuckle memories. I don't know a thing about it. I have been in California my whole life.
I'm with you on the pine trees hanging in the car. I always say no to those.
Summer is on it's way!
Rosemary
Plenty of honeysuckle memories, here! That reminds me--I've taught my daughter how to do that, but she probably needs a refresher course.
There are tiny little roses blooming all over town, here. They're so sweet-smelling and the nice cool breezes are really picking it up. Hooray, spring!
I must say, I don't think I'd want that fake suntan lotion smell anywhere near me either. Even if it wasn't shaped like a tree. What's up with trees smelling like non-tree things? Shouldn't they have made it in the shape of a flip-flop?
Hi Elise, a recess full of plucking and eating honeysuckle...what a nice life kids have!
Felicity, I will have to find some of that Honeysuckle hand soap at Bath and Body. Great idea! And thanks for dropping by via Good Girl Lit. I love that site! May was so sweet to mention my blog.
Rosemary, my goodness. They don't have honeysuckle in California? You poor thing. If you ever come east you must search some out. I'd mail you some, but I'm not sure how it would survive the sorting machine. Let me know if you want to try. I could always stick some in an envelope and give it a go.
Susan, you're brilliant. It really should be the shape of a flip flop! Or at least a coconut, not a tree. You're right-- the whole tree thing is bizarre.
Know what's funny? I gave that very bacon air freshener to Anne! I swear!
It came for free in the artisanal bacon my aunt sent me for Christmas, because I'm the sort of girl you give artisanal bacon to.
I gave it to Anne because she's a vegetarian who misses bacon. I thought, well, at least she can smell it!
OK - your blog is just so dang good - consider this a comment for each of the last few posts - I have been out of town and am making the rounds!
I think the part where I fell off the bed laughing was "I already drive a minivan..."
I have sworn I wont drive one but wonder if my prolific fantasies will make me eat my words.
Wonderful posts.
Lovely post -- real life and so well told...and yes, school will be over shortly. I've already got one home from Uni for the summer and the other will be done high school for the year at the end of June. Oldest should be working soon -- or else!! ;)
May, that is hilarious! I do love the smell of bacon. This past weekend Todd bought a big slab of thick cut and it smelled so good I could hardly stand it.
P. Farmgirl, you're awfully sweet! If I earned calories every time I had to eat my words since having children, I'd never need to eat again. Never say never is what I say. Or what I never say. You know what I mean.
Sherry/Cherie, thanks! Good luck to the job searcher!
Ahhhh...I love honeysuckle, too. That bacon air "Freshener" kills me.
I'd like honeysuckle better if my five-year old hadn't recently discovered how to suck out the nectar; now she brings in branchfuls to suck while she watches tv, and leaves the remnants all over the floor.
You know, Becky, if you get some big pink fuzzy dice, they'd hide that embarrassing pine tree air freshener from view.
Hey Tattingchic!
Kalynne, that is amazing! I can just imagine your daughter bringing in branches of honeysuckle. Kids are so funny. I might WANT to do that, but I'd feel like an ape.
And no thanks on the pink fuzzy dice, ha ha.
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