Monday, May 11, 2009

Are You Out There, Dear Abby?

Today's Wonder of the World is...Advice from Friends!

Photo by John Strain

Is the doctor in, y'all?
There's something I've been concerned about, and I'd love to hear what you think about it. Would you mind lending an ear? I could sure use your help.
Shall I take a seat on your psychiatrist's couch?
Thank you! Very comfy. I'll begin...
Last Wednesday we moved Sarah home from her first year at college. She had such a good year off on her own, making her own decisions, eating her own Pop Tarts, sleeping or not sleeping at odd hours, living her own life. Now she's back in her bedroom again. I want this to be a good summer for all of us. Any advice for me? Memories?
Whether you've been through this before with your own kids or just remember what it's like to move home again, I hope you'll share!
I'm listening...

Have a wonder-full Monday!
Love, Becky


Sherry said...

Oh, yes, I've been through it. College age "children" - especially after the 2nd or 3rd year - think it's time to go out at night when I think it's time to go to bed.
Good luck!

lotusgirl said...

I think just spending time together watching movies or taking trips to the beach or whatever. I always loved it when my mother would make me my favorite foods that I hadn't had all year.

LW said...

Is it not amazing how fast this year flew by…?

My son will be home in two weeks; this is his second year away.
Same rules apply here with a few adjustments and tweaks…
I know the first week home he will sleep late, stay up late, and eat a lot….
I just hope he can find a job….

I love having him home.

I think one of hardest things for me to learn was when he talks about something I need to listen and not respond in the same way that I would have before…
In the past, he came to me for answers but now I am a sounding board for him to think aloud.
Hard transition for me but I think I finally got it……


Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

My advice is to give her some extra space because she's been on her own without any accountability for 9 months. My mother didn't do this for me. I moved out right away and never moved back.

Paula Clare said...

Hi Becky,
Saw the photo of my mentor and hero Lucy Van Pelt and just HAD to add my two cents!

This is a perfect time to renegotiate your relationship from parent/child to adult/adult. Treating your daughter as you would a dear friend, and only concerning yourself with her safety is the best tack to take. Moms and daughters can have strained relationships, but this is your chance to make her GLAD she's got YOU for a mom!

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

I do SO miss the Gilmore Girls!!

JaxPop said...

Have the Pop Tarts been plain or frosted?

Wish I could help - We had boys. If we'd had a daughter, she would have been a 30 year old freshman.

Seriously - don't stress about the Pop Tarts.

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Sherry, you've got that right! It's like the early days when they have their days and nights mixed up!

Lotusgirl, great idea. Sometimes I get in robot mode, trying to make sure things get done. Making time for fun things is a good idea. And I'm already on the cooking job. Corn casserole anyone?

LW, you're so right. Seems like we just moved her in. Very fine advice about being a sounding board. It's a definite change and I'm trying. Thanks!

Greengirl, so true. I'll try to do give the space. It's hard to turn off hover-mode, but I'll try.

Paula Clare, good idea. I know in my head that safety should be my only concern. I'll trying to sew that button on my lip. And I already feel so lucky to have her for my daughter. I'm hoping the summer will be fun for both of us!

Pamela, me too. Thank goodness for reruns.

Jaxpop, the poptarts don't concern me too much. I can't say much about that...after all, brown sugar cinnamon ones are MY FAVORITE! Warmed in the toaster! Yum.

Ellen said...

Sorry, don't have any experience about returning from college---my baby is only fixing to go off to middle school this next school year. If you do come up with something wonderful, please pass it on so I'll have a shot at being prepared :)

All the very best to you all!

Rosemary said...

Hi Becky,
Hope you had a nice Mother's Day.
Yes I do remember this one. No rules, yet they are back at home.
You just have to go with it. They were out at all hours at school, so just try to be flexible. They still need some rules, but less than before.
Have a fun summer with her. It just flies by.

Anonymous said...

Hi Becky
Hope your peeps treated you most excellently on Mothers Day. The home base is oh so important for kids between school years. I always remember feeling how nice it was to come back to the same room in the same house that I grew-up in. Sarah now has that feeling of being around familiar surroundings, of which there are so few when you're at college. I would always keep that same room available to her and don't change up the furniture or layout.
Make sure she has several exciting outings/vacations to enjoy. They probably won't all be family outings, that's just part of growing up.
I hate to bring this one up, but be sure to ask some details about the courses she's completed, and remind her to occasionally review her notes and tests, so she'll be able to start back smoothly again in the Fall semester. But I'd wait a few weeks before you suggest this one to her, because getting away from the books right now is a huge relief that she hasn't felt in 9 months.
Best wishes to all,

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Hi Ellen, middle school! That's a big transition in itself. I wish you much luck.

Good advice, Rosemary. I think finding that happy medium is the trick.

Hi Randy. I hope I can spend some time away with just Sarah. We always enjoy our time together away from the circus that is our family.

Pocket Full of Prettys said...

Been there, done that, will keep you in my prayers. That is very hard to deal with, hope all goes well with you! Hugs***Renea

Renee said...

Boy Becky I wish I had some advice.

Remember that she is not the same girl that left for college while at the same time remembering that she is the same girl who left for college.

Just enjoy each other.


Barb said...

Oh my, that school year went fast. They always do.
I don't really have any advice for you. Just be there for her. But you know that already.

love ya,

Jojo said...

The school year is over? Where did time go? I can remember what it was like moving back home for summers and I hated it! Suddenly there were stricter curfews and I felt I had lost the ability to make a lot of decisions on my own as there was always plenty of friendly "advice."

I remember thinking how I had managed to make all my day-to-day decisions on my own and functioned well only to regress. After the first summer back home, I always took some classes and worked on campus during summers to prevent that felling of moving backwards.

My guess is that my mother was relieved as it was just as stressful for her.

As for my own kids - I have tried to give them space when they have returned home. It isn't always easy but it makes for happier days.

Silicon Valley Diva said...

Hi Becky, I temporarily moved back home when I was in my twenties. I think my mom STILL worried about me if I came home too late LOL. But luckily she gave me my space too. I'm sure you'll both have a great time. Have fun!